Forgiving Yourself: A Conversation Amongst Loved Ones

Below is a very short transcript of an actual conversation that happened via text just a few short days ago. It doesn’t matter who it was with, or even the context surrounding this exchange; what matters is the concept of letting go of our past selves, especially our major decisions and mistakes. It’s only important to note this person is in the top five major influences in my life, we love each other dearly, and they’ve always been a major source of encouragement and solace for me. We can often learn more about ourselves from the advice we give others. It is far more difficult to turn that wisdom within and free ourselves from whatever burden we’ve chosen to carry thus far.

Perhaps you can read through this short conversation and fill in your own blanks. What decision or version of yourself are you still carrying around with you today? Imagine if you let it, and you, go. The filter through which you perceive the world just may clear, it most certainly will adjust, and your vision for the future will be renewed. The mechanisms you use to defend and protect yourself will begin to soften, and the darkness you’re so determined to cling to will no longer survive once you’ve made the conscious choice to lighten your load.

Lighten up. You deserve it.

Me: And let go of every single shred of guilt you have left. Each choice you made was the right decision at the time. No more agonizing now. I respect your decision. Fuck everyone else.

Loved one: Wow...thank you

Me: No thank you necessary. I’m telling you the truth and it’s probably something you should hear because I don’t think you tell yourself this enough. Forgiveness of yourself is the most important decision you can make.

Loved one: Still a very difficult part of my past, but I can’t change it

Me: Yes, difficult then, not now. You can release it now.

Loved one: I actually try to work on that because I definitely have a hard time forgiving myself and I know better

Me: People’s pasts define them as long as they hold onto it, as long as it weighs on them. This needn’t be the case.

Loved one: So true...it’s hard to rewire your brain?

Me: It’s not as hard as it seems. I think expressing myself has helped me. You can find your own special way to release it, privately or with whoever else.

Loved one: For sure

While in the midst of this conversation I had no intention on sharing it, with anyone. I’ve never shared one before. This one just struck me, something about being able to reread the words and apply my own insight to the very issues I adhere myself to on a yearly basis seemed so simple and yet so strong and helpful. Most of us are ass kickers when it comes to supporting our loved ones, dispensing salient advice in the right moments, filling another’s heart will compliments we’d never utter to ourselves. What the fuck kind of sense does this make? Sure, be generous, especially in spirit, give your love and goodness to others, but it is whack to neglect yourself. The best teacher you can be for others is to live your own truth, love yourself first and be the light you were born to be.

You can, and should, relinquish the past to the past. Unless you’re currently incarcerated (even so, this is a mere physical imprisonment, your heart and soul are in your hands), the only person holding you hostage, keeping you trapped in a fragile shell of the person you used to be, is you. Free yourself. Forgive yourself. You can. First, acknowledge the moments, the eras in time, the decisions, the attitude and emotions surrounding these memories where you’ve kept guilt, sadness, frustration, confusion, and so on. It could be a severed relationship, a choice to do or not do something huge (go to college, travel, tell someone how you feel), or a mere accumulation of negative muck passed on by others (unsupportive loved ones, bullies, bosses, teachers) that you’ve chosen to believe about yourself to this point. Find some way to express it, release it, burn it. Writing has been so helpful for me, cathartic and eye-opening. Painting has been the same for other loved ones. No one has to see, you just have to become aware and feel how it feels to let it go.

There’s a line in that super famous Gotye song that says, “You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.” Isn’t that true? We become so accustomed to feeling blah, to feeling just okay, to feeling negative, to feeling guilty, to feeling afraid, to feeling sad, to feeling inadequate, to feeling uninspired, to feeling less than. Shake yourself up! Break up your repeated thoughts, your emotional patterns, your means of defense, your cycles of crap, and decide today to think, feel, do and be lighter. Forgiving yourself will do tremendous wonders to your tolerance of others. With this breath, let it all go. Take the next breath in, feeling new.

Choose to trust and love yourself first, be open to doing the same with others second, and let this be the first and most important decision you make before you embark on your life each day. You are worth it. You are capable. You can be the reason you love life, the reason you rise above, living in light, rather than being buried under the weight of the world, dying in darkness. This is why the buddha is laughing! He realizes how futile and how transient it all is. This bullshit you complain about could be gone in an hour. Filter through the nonsense, wave bye-bye to assholes and happiness vacuums, and recognize how special it is to be alive and how important it is you enjoy all that you are and all that you have Now.

Grateful for yesterday, blissed for today, encouraged for tomorrow.

Danielle Robinson Yoga teacher/ Writer You, Me and Yoga Makes 3 on Facebook Follow: @mastic8onthis on Twitter Check out some more insight on MindBodyGreen

An Opinion on Opinions and Opinionated Opinionaters

Had enough yet? You full? Feel informed? Or at least assaulted by information? I do. And I’m sure I’m part of the problem, if there is one. As much as I do edit and critique the words and images I put out into the world for their merit, their positivity, for some semblance of value to another human being, I still am part of the hoards aiming to do the same thing. And I’m here to tell you, it’s just a fuckin opinion, one of about 7 billion multiplied by however many thoughts cross our minds a day. You are smart enough to make up your own mind, so although I write in hopes to shed light and insight on my experience thus far, and I genuinely enjoy this form of expression and connecting with so many through it, I don’t believe for a second my view matters more than yours, or another’s. Congruent with my sentiments on our 24 hour “news” cycle and our sickness of being inundated with opinions and stories but bereft of facts and truth, there is a saturated market still being violently tapped. Many are simply seeking an avenue with which to express themselves, in their original way, and for that to maybe make a difference in their lives. By this I mean exposure to various demographics and large numbers of people, connections with those who inspire and could influence their livelihood and the chance at living the life they love and not having to settle for second best.

It’s already difficult to get people to read a whole book, let alone dense articles, online, thrown out with a cavalcade of others. I’m learning through pursuing most of my writing online that image and title are often everything, so the genres with which you read online will often start bleeding together with similar offerings. The content, the meat of the piece, the heart and soul of the artist (could be written, captured or expressed, not just a specific type of art) is largely ignored, so that damn title and glance better stand out. Soon, the individual is missed, people are bombarded by opinions, positive, negative and anything else in between, and it has now become difficult to decipher the worthiness, so we just want to say fuck it, shut it down.

I carry a lot of optimism, despite how it may read here, because I’ve learned and am still reminding myself that this pursuit is for me, the expression and release is selfish and just one piece in a small puzzle of billions that are mine and no one else’s. Same goes for you, when you express what you choose, regardless of the response or audience, you’ve created something that is uniquely yours and if you’re satisfied enough to share it, then good on you. My hope is that this projection, regardless how authentic the content, is not served as an avenue for hatred of something or someone else, that its escape from your eyes into the world’s is simply to overcome the fear of vulnerability and to maybe resonate and inspire another. With that being said, we all have the choice to consume what we wish, so if it’s nasty or hateful, I simply won’t read it. There’s an audience for everything, though, live and let live.

I was compelled to write as I saw the stream of words and images scroll endlessly across my page, in between where bouts of frustration from friends and colleagues who are similarly drenched in the constant confrontation of opinions. I’ve been a woman of many convictions since quite the young age. I felt strongly about many subjects, carried strong love for some and massive distaste for others, and I had no qualms about expressing these thoughts to the world. As I’ve grown and aged, in particular since I’ve witnessed the internet take over our minds and mouths, I recognize how fleeting these thoughts are. There’s a consensus amongst many that our brains produce up to 70,000 thoughts a day! Digest that for a moment.

There’s no way each one of these carries meaning and there’s even less of a chance that even the most significant thought is more valid than another; another thought or another person’s thought. We all think we’re right, we’re sane, we’re normal, we’re extraordinary, we’re better than another. This is true amongst even the most insecure person. We live first in a world constructed by our minds. We then engage with the world outside of it, interacting and conversing as if the other person has been privy to the nonsense we’ve been discussing in our heads. The issues we have, the dissatisfaction we often feel when moving about our day, stems mostly from our attachment to these opinions. My mom has been saying since before I can remember, that old adage “opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.”

Unless someone is a murderer, a bigot, a racists, a sexist, a homophobe or god forbid a vegetable, there isn’t a reason in the world I shouldn’t listen to their voice with an open mind. Even the views they share from tough subjects I mentioned above is only one slice of a very large, complex pie that makes each human being unique. I may still disagree, but how could I possibly judge someone or write them off completely because we feel differently about issues that in and of themselves are subjective? Is killing babies bad? Yes, I think we’d all agree, but that isn’t the point. The point is you’ll never meet another human being, not your best friend, your life partner, your parent, children, mentor or assistant who carries the same exact opinions as you. It is fundamentally impossible.

I have nearly reached my limit on political opinions specifically, especially the quotes and pictures taken completely out of context, designed to influence thousands in a matter of seconds. Can’t we use our reason anymore? Can’t we be skeptical of this type of information as it’s piped into our brains without even an invitation? Just because I probably won’t vote for a certain candidate does not mean I want to hear useless information about some dumb thing he may have said on a topic that doesn’t relate to my life or anyone else’s. We all deserve to differentiate between quality information and bullshit, between the necessary and the unnecessary, between the informative and the pure gossip. We want a better government, we need a smarter electorate, a populace that won’t simply fall for every 30 second ad, meme, summarization of words or sound bite they come across. We are capable of better. I hope we get there.

These small epiphanies are serving to keep me on track, not to force anyone else to do a thing. I don’t enjoy seeing people get fired up over nonsense, stirring up vitriol and venom over what is essentially, air. Who cares? We vote with our wallets, our ballots, our choices, and if we’re inspired by a cause, then action can be taken to support it, but having the equivalent of a pissing contest online is a waste of energy and creates drama, which the media only perpetuates. I’ve chosen to keep a sharp eye and ear but I feel much less in need of showcasing my opinions and thoughts in some hope to influence or impress another. Why should I be so arrogant to think someone else should feel exactly as I do? Just because I can’t fathom the beliefs of some doesn’t mean my energy is to be expended on changing them. Also, mine change almost constantly, which feels good, to respond to the issue at hand, in the moment, without recycling my past opinions or borrowing another’s.

Share because you want to express yourself. Take all the opinions of others with a grain of salt. Concern yourself only with your own views. Respect that every other person does the same. I wish we could all just laugh off these subjects, instead of taking ourselves so seriously. We can each be our own teacher’s, enjoy and agree with the opinions of some, and ignore or disagree with the beliefs of another, all while living happily as our authentic selves, knowing all this bullshit will change colors tomorrow.

This has been a post about nothing. Thank you for reading. Enjoy today and everyday.

Danielle Robinson Yoga teacher/ Writer You, Me and Yoga Makes 3 on Facebook Follow: @mastic8onthis on Twitter Check out my articles on MindBodyGreen!