You Don’t Need A Guru. YOU Are Your Best Guide.

The very concept of this article can lead me to shooting myself in the foot. I’m a Yoga teacher. And writer. Naturally, my hope is students and readers will resonate with me, and want to stay connected into the foreseeable future. And while I feel my words and actions may be worthy of following, I in no way see my philosophy as the be all, end all, to be followed mercilessly, strictly, to the fucking T!

So, yes, I say and write fuck. Often. My apologies. What I’ve found through years of self doubt, anxiety, and unease over the unknown, is the truth that no other path should resemble my own. No other human being’s moral code and life philosophy should be a mirror image of mine. Why would I want to copy when I have a heart and mind intelligent enough to decipher through the bullshit and keep the good shit?

That’s precisely what I tell my students, take whatever I say that resonates and throw the rest away. Needing someone to follow me and believe so strongly in my personal philosophy is simply my ego’s desire, a fool’s errand. What I and many fantastic teachers and leaders around the globe can do is help you hone your intuition more, challenge you to tune in and listen to the quiet intelligence within.

There’s an obscene amount of noise out there. Have you noticed? There are books, studies, articles, and oodles of research to support pretty much any theory imaginable. Should we adopt a vegetarian diet? Veganism? Gluten free? Paleo? There are mountains of data to support all of these options. Mountains! No one knows what it’s like to fuel your body. Consult a doctor, sure, experts you respect and admire, but mostly, tune in, feel, experience, learn, and you will make the smartest decision for yourself.

Within the Yoga community there are a thousand schools of thought on everything from how often you should practice, exactly what type of yoga you should take, who you should study with, what you should wear, what you should eat before and after, how to properly align in foundational poses, whether you should practice in the heat or not, etc.

It’s a headache. Many teachers I respect have adopted philosophies and strategies that differ greatly from mine. Who cares? I still learn a hell of a lot from them. I take what resonates and I throw away the rest.

Putting it bluntly, those who tell you with black and white certainty you HAVE to do something or you can NEVER do something else, are know-it-all jerks. Who likes being brow beat into an opinion anyway? But what we get inundated with these days are clever sharks disguised as sweethearts. We pay thousands of dollars and walk on hot coals, for what? Something we could have gleaned from 30-45 minutes of reading on our own.

This is not to say you should start diagnosing yourself, prescribing your own remedies, taking care of your own legal work, practicing Yoga however the fuck you want, adopting your own financial and tax philosophies, eating McDonald’s because it just “feels right,” etc. Spend time with people you admire, allow the expertise of others (like me, I’m awesome, and so are you!) to fill you with more knowledge, insight, and joy, but at the end of the day, you are your own guru!

There is no need to “worship” and cling to every word and move someone you admire makes. Appreciate them, respect them, get inspired by them, support them (yes, we need support!), but merely spend more time plowing the fields of your unique existence rather than following someone else’s. Find teachers and mentors that foster more love and interest in who you are, allow them to spark your creative juices without actually being your creative outlet.

It’s not about dismissing or dissing another, quite the contrary. The more love you feel for yourself, the more you hold for others. They go hand in hand. So rather than belonging to an exclusive club or buying into some niche way of thinking, you understand the inherent truth that opinions and philosophies are like assholes: everybody’s got em. You can respect the paths of others while choosing kindly to walk your own. And you deserve just that, do you not?

We live once. Be your weird ass self.

Knowing What We Need

A keen skill we begin to cultivate when practicing Yoga consistently is the ability to listen to what we really need. When we begin, most of us will approach the practice with the mentality of “I’m going to do my best,” and that usually means pushing ourselves well past an edge in an attempt to “keep up” with the rest of the class. We end up trying excessively hard, not hearing the teacher’s sincere guidance to listen to our bodies, to find a happy medium for us, to not compare or compete with others.

We find ourselves over-exerting, hyper stretching, and ultimately exhausting ourselves over a practice that’s meant to make us feel good, to help us reset and start anew. We mistakenly feel like we aren’t “good” at Yoga, when there is absolutely no such thing. Yoga provides a unique map showing us where we are and the endless options for where we can go. The growth and the path is entirely up to us, but we must first drop expectations or unfair standards, and instead relax into the journey, let the lessons unfold as we do.

I felt similar pressure to be adept in the practice when I first started. Coming from 15 years in athletics, a few years in gymnastics, and years of high standards in academics, I was seeking something to fill the void where my exercise regime used to be. I wanted to be “good” at Yoga too, having no clue what lessons were about to be bestowed upon my thick skull. A common occurrence, I’ve found, we walk into a studio for one reason, we stay for another. I kept going back because Yoga was the only physical activity, or any activity for that matter, that I’d ever entered for the sole purpose of feeling better.

Who I was didn’t matter, how flexible or strong I was had no barring on the outcome in class, for others or myself. The dozens of fellow students I breathed and moved with during those years each had their own reasons for being there, and none of them mattered. It wasn’t my business. My focus and execution of certain challenges only served me, it had no influence on the others, there wasn’t a team, there was no winning or losing. We’d already won, we were there.

When I started delving deeper, noticing how the breath affected my mood and energy off the mat, how my body felt slightly different each practice, and how Yoga softly guided me out of my mind and into the moment, the mirror reflecting my relationship with myself only grew clearer. I began to see why the decisions in my past caused pain, why my conditioned thought patterns were keeping me glued to my place, and that it was within my power, it was my responsibility to pull myself out of the past and move confidently into the future.

So how does this translate into knowing what we need? It’s such a gradual process that requires diligence and patience. These lessons unfold not by force, but rather organically, in due time, at precisely the moment we need them. The wisdom I gleaned through Yoga started broadly, with big picture advice focusing on being present, dropping comparison, recognizing humans are here to collaborate, not compete. I recognized how much I’d built my sense of self based on how I measured up against others: by striking a batter out in softball, winning a match in tennis, achieving high marks in school, etc.

What Yoga helped reveal, and keeps revealing, is how we’re all the same. We all struggle with confidence, sadness, confusion. We all endure suffering, tragedy, heartache. And we’re all capable of experiencing joy, passion, and exhilaration. Yoga helps you release those feelings of separateness, of inadequacy, of loneliness. And deeper than that, it helps us surrender into those very human sensations. We cannot escape loss, failure, or pain. We can only get better in absorbing and learning from it.

So the practice brings more acceptance, of ourselves, our fellow human beings, and of the inevitable highs and lows we’re bound to experience in this lifetime. We learn over and over that we cannot change the past, reliving it only causes more pain and keeps us from living in real life, choosing to retell the same stories in our heads instead. So long as we’ve learned, we no longer need those harmful thoughts and memories. We’re better served in releasing them.

These pains from the past get stored deep within the muscle tissue, causing tension and discomfort. The hips are the storehouse for much of this pain, existing as somewhat of an emotional basement, a place we throw away memories we’d prefer to forget, but they’re always there. While undergoing minutes in what can be an uncomfortable hip opener, like pigeon, frog, or bound angle, we feel the pangs of resistance as our bodies cling tight to the old.

What we need is to let go, allow the emotions and challenges to reveal themselves, rising to the surface so we can see them for what they are, and only then can we truly release them for good. In addition to acceptance, to all that was and all that we are, we need surrender. We need to yield into harsh times and submit into pleasure just the same.

As we begin to build strength and flexibility, we get to know the subtle nuances in our bodies and how to apply the appropriate amount of challenge and/or modifications to find balance in our practice. No longer feeling the need to please the teacher, impress our fellow students, or live up to some unfair standard within our minds, we open to what we truly need in that moment.

Knowing what we need here requires a depth and intelligence of ourselves that can only be honed through practice. Yoga provides a safe and open framework for each us to grow at our own pace. I thoroughly enjoy a challenging asana practice, pouring sweat onto the floor and leaving lighter than when I came in. But where I’ve really fallen in love is with Restorative Yoga. That’s the remedy for almost any challenge I’m enduring, be it in body, mind or heart.

If I’m sore, achey, lethargic, under the weather, Restorative does the trick. If I’m anxious, sad, stressed, overwhelmed, Restorative saves the day. If I’m happy, content, settled, grateful, Restorative only adds to that bliss.

We need a combination of strength and softness, power and presence, levity and lightness; and paying attention to our needs, listening from the inside out, always points us in the right direction. We may be able to rock a handstand and perform a million chaturangas, but that’s not always what we need.

At a pivotal point in the practice, Yoga is no longer about what we can do, it’s simply what we need in that very moment. We don’t need to push, we only need to respond. It’s not a performance, it’s a practice. What matters is how we feel, not how we look. Yoga is here to serve us in whatever capacity we need today. It is up to us whether we listen and take the care we need and deserve.

This choice lies within us all. And it’s an individual’s call to implement what they need on any given day. There is a quiet intelligence within all of us that our practice helps to reveal. Some would call this our intuition, our soul, our consciousness. The important thing to recognize is this is precisely the voice we tune into to give ourselves exactly what we need.

We should feel better after we practice. We’ve cleansed and released the old, opened ourselves to receiving the new. This practice is an ongoing gift, the deeper and more consistently we practice, the better our lives become.

8 days into my current Sadhana, I’m feeling clearer and more decisive. I feel more in tune with what I need and excited to be implementing these subtle changes into my daily habits. I feel even more connected in my relationships since taking a step back from social media and I look forward to re-evaluating my approach to the digital sphere once this 40 day personal practice is complete.


If you have any questions about Yoga, be it with philosophy, insight, poses, building strength, flexibility and balance, or simply how Yoga can improve your life off the mat, please feel warmly welcomed to ask away via danielle@danieatslife.com

Choice

It is my choice to be happy or sadExternality should make no difference Over time discontent poisons the soul And the gut Until what? Happiness does not come via circumstance There is no catalyst No happy ending There is Now Or never Awaken immediately Or else suffer There is no list to check off No wrongs to right The choice is in front of us A moment's decision Forgive, let go Before anyone else The first and last say is You Permission granted All views slanted In this direction All arrows aimed with vigor Right at your center Asking if now is a good time Knowing there is no other Decide Make a statement I Am Okay I Am Blissed Ecstatic Right Fucking Now The past is over No more memories a blur I am awake Aware So are you Look Listen Absorb But don't label Let go of descriptions Prescriptions Analysis Interpretation One station Or another Let go Just be Clean slate Brand new You're You I am me Whoever we want to be Let's just Be Choose