Living Yoga...Possible in a Modern World?

Holy shit it's been too long. Too long since I sat in front of my computer and held space for writing. Too long since I tapped into that creative center and let myself purge. I've let too many excuses rule the why: my baby (who's almost 2?!?!), time (I have the same 24 hours as Beyonce), energy (suck it up, bitch), work, moving, life, etc. While some of those excuses may be valid some of the time, it's really up to me to curate my life, to create a routine/practice/discipline (in Yoga we call this a Sadhana) that brings out the best in me and therefore enriches my life in the way I need. 

I recently returned from a 5 day Living Yoga retreat in Santa Ynez, California, through my beloved Mukti Yoga School. During this time I participated in rituals I'd never experienced before. The first was an ancient Bihar school salt water cleanse called Shankhaprakshalan. I had some trepidation as I'd always heard salt water could kill you and I'm fairly hell bent on living. But with the appropriate dosage, following up with red lentils + rice + ghee, and then nourishing the body with kitchari, you'll feel fucking fantastic. In addition to the commonly practiced yogic rituals of neti pot, hot lemon water, 5 Tibetan exercises, pranayama and meditation; we also spent those several days eating clean, drinking only water and tea. No caffeine. No booze. No herb. Yikes. 

I can honestly report even after 5 days of clean living, I felt clearer. Calmer. More fierce. Motivated. Transformed. I was the same but you could argue I shit out much of the unnecessary excess. The puja ceremony (another new ritual for me) burned old memories, painful conditioned thoughts, and bullshit doubts. The following day of creating vision boards, painting large rocks gathered at the beach, and threading friendship bracelets -3 activities I admittedly suck at- had me feeling so charged and excited. 

Almost immediately post-partum I lost much of myself and have since been gathering the pieces like sorting through debris after a hurricane. What was salvageable? It's taken me 2 years to recognize that I'm not worse and my life is not worse. I am a thousand times better. Even amidst my crankiest, most exhausted days, the hours I clung to my old life like a badly attached yogi, I still took fucking phenomenal care of my son. I showed up for him. Sure, I've had impatient moments or days. Frustrated. Irritated. Haven't wore make-up or dried my hair since his birth. What the fuck am I saying, I never did that before him. Point is, during the physical cleanse, the emotional cleanse, the mental cleanse derived from so much yoga and so few substances, I came clear. I am a badass. 

I started reading a book called You Are A Badass. If I had the guts, wisdom, and fortitude to write my own book it would be so similar (if I was lucky) to this brilliantly funny, and shockingly helpful self-help book. The book echoed so beautifully the work and inspiration from the retreat. And now I sit nearby my favorite studio home here in Los Angeles contemplating how we might all find our own unique definition of Living Yoga in our real lives. 

In the past few years I've come to accept and even love that I am a rebellious yogi. I am not a vegetarian (not against it either, just too into food and feel better on some animal protein). I do not believe in astrology (if one more person -almost always a girl- mentions mercury in retrograde...). I curse like a fucking sailor (luckily I know several other yogis who do, too). I openly smoke marijuana, drink a little booze, ceremonially engage in psychedelics (more mushrooms, please). I have a bizarre sense of humor (even when I get crickets, I still love myself somehow). Perhaps it's being in my 30's, having a kiddo which is truly hard fucking work, or perhaps it's yoga finally sinking in, but I genuinely like and love me. And now I am unafraid to admit it and share it. 

SO here it is...at risk of sounding a bit self righteous (I admit I know very little, but I know some valuable things), I'd like to encourage both myself and you, dear reader(s), to live yoga in your own wackadoodle way. Let's break it down and see if we can make a few small shifts in order to cultivate actual positive change. 

For Your Health: 

   Can you eliminate or cut down one unhealthy habit (soda, sweets, cigarettes, booze, processed food) and add a healthy one (more water, more veggies and whole foods, more time allotted for sleep, a form of exercise you can stand for 30 minutes) ?

For Your Mind: 

   As adults we get lost in the grind of work and responsibility and routine, and often we forget to stimulate our minds in new, enriching ways. Can you make time, save money, store some energy to learn something new? Doing the activities on the retreat made me remember I can still enjoy things I suck at. Learning a new language, instrument, art form, dance, etc., gets us out of our comfort zones and stimulates the brain in ways our routine simply cannot. Maybe 30 minutes less TV and 30 minutes more reading? Marinate on it and figure out what your sweet little brain needs. 

For Your Heart:

   Who in your life elevates you? Boosts you, inspires you, encourages you? More of them. Even if it's Skype or actual phone calls (our smart phones can make real calls!), better yet in person, but bring more of the good in and weed out some of the riff-raff. If you're hankering for a new relationship, be open and socialize a bit more, invite people over and have them bring a friend you've never met. Be open. 

For Your Loins:

  You could blend the heart and loins categories, of course, but sometimes you just wanna roll around nakey with someone who seems fun. It's a scary world, I get it, I can't imagine trying to navigate Tinder and Bumble and Scruff and who the fuck knows what else is out there, but perhaps you put on your sexy underpants, doll up in whatever way feels authentic to you, and then go make eyes with someone. Could be exhilarating. Could also lead to an orgasm. And when all else fails, explore your own body and enjoy it! No shame, no embarrassment. Nothing more natural or wonderful. DO IT. 

For Your Soul:

  What brings you joy? I love dance (Side note excitement: I put a pic from Dancing with the Stars on my vision board and just this week the opportunity to see a live taping of the show in a VIP section was presented by a dear student! Thank you, Universe!). I love to watch it, get lost in it, absorb all things movement. I also love hiking, eating, all types of yoga, seeing live comedy, enjoying live music, sports. I'm finally starting to do more of these things, little by little, and it truly spills into the days after! What fills your cup? If you're currently broke as a joke perhaps you use the cheap to free option of the internet and in-home entertainment while you save for a trip out to enjoy what you love, but the point is, make time. You're dying. I'm dying. This ain't a joke. Fucking enjoy yourself and don't apologize. You won't miss that 50 bucks. 

Here's what Living Yoga is looking like for me right now:

   I wake up and neti, drink hot lemon water (I add turmeric and ginger too! and sea salt), throw my legs up my hallway (I don't have much space) and breathe for 7-10 minutes every morning. I dance with my son at least once a day. I have nearly eliminated my latte habit so I now drink mostly water and afternoon tea. I walk a lot (in LA this means I'm not afraid to park far away). I stretch. I eat a lot of vegetables (luckily, this one isn't new). I make boozing/indulging a treat, a conscious choice to elevate or alter my mind/taste buds in a stretch of time that makes sense, not simply out of habit or escape. I carve out 20 extra minutes to read (some days, most days, it's all I get) and 15 to write. I look at the ridiculous vision board I made and put myself in the mindset of believing and accepting I am worthy not only of the life I have, but also the life I'm striving for. Mindset matters. These little habits each contribute positively to my overall well-being and to growth. 

How can you live Yoga in your life? No actual Yoga required (but why the hell not?). 

Namaste! 

Knowing What We Need

A keen skill we begin to cultivate when practicing Yoga consistently is the ability to listen to what we really need. When we begin, most of us will approach the practice with the mentality of “I’m going to do my best,” and that usually means pushing ourselves well past an edge in an attempt to “keep up” with the rest of the class. We end up trying excessively hard, not hearing the teacher’s sincere guidance to listen to our bodies, to find a happy medium for us, to not compare or compete with others.

We find ourselves over-exerting, hyper stretching, and ultimately exhausting ourselves over a practice that’s meant to make us feel good, to help us reset and start anew. We mistakenly feel like we aren’t “good” at Yoga, when there is absolutely no such thing. Yoga provides a unique map showing us where we are and the endless options for where we can go. The growth and the path is entirely up to us, but we must first drop expectations or unfair standards, and instead relax into the journey, let the lessons unfold as we do.

I felt similar pressure to be adept in the practice when I first started. Coming from 15 years in athletics, a few years in gymnastics, and years of high standards in academics, I was seeking something to fill the void where my exercise regime used to be. I wanted to be “good” at Yoga too, having no clue what lessons were about to be bestowed upon my thick skull. A common occurrence, I’ve found, we walk into a studio for one reason, we stay for another. I kept going back because Yoga was the only physical activity, or any activity for that matter, that I’d ever entered for the sole purpose of feeling better.

Who I was didn’t matter, how flexible or strong I was had no barring on the outcome in class, for others or myself. The dozens of fellow students I breathed and moved with during those years each had their own reasons for being there, and none of them mattered. It wasn’t my business. My focus and execution of certain challenges only served me, it had no influence on the others, there wasn’t a team, there was no winning or losing. We’d already won, we were there.

When I started delving deeper, noticing how the breath affected my mood and energy off the mat, how my body felt slightly different each practice, and how Yoga softly guided me out of my mind and into the moment, the mirror reflecting my relationship with myself only grew clearer. I began to see why the decisions in my past caused pain, why my conditioned thought patterns were keeping me glued to my place, and that it was within my power, it was my responsibility to pull myself out of the past and move confidently into the future.

So how does this translate into knowing what we need? It’s such a gradual process that requires diligence and patience. These lessons unfold not by force, but rather organically, in due time, at precisely the moment we need them. The wisdom I gleaned through Yoga started broadly, with big picture advice focusing on being present, dropping comparison, recognizing humans are here to collaborate, not compete. I recognized how much I’d built my sense of self based on how I measured up against others: by striking a batter out in softball, winning a match in tennis, achieving high marks in school, etc.

What Yoga helped reveal, and keeps revealing, is how we’re all the same. We all struggle with confidence, sadness, confusion. We all endure suffering, tragedy, heartache. And we’re all capable of experiencing joy, passion, and exhilaration. Yoga helps you release those feelings of separateness, of inadequacy, of loneliness. And deeper than that, it helps us surrender into those very human sensations. We cannot escape loss, failure, or pain. We can only get better in absorbing and learning from it.

So the practice brings more acceptance, of ourselves, our fellow human beings, and of the inevitable highs and lows we’re bound to experience in this lifetime. We learn over and over that we cannot change the past, reliving it only causes more pain and keeps us from living in real life, choosing to retell the same stories in our heads instead. So long as we’ve learned, we no longer need those harmful thoughts and memories. We’re better served in releasing them.

These pains from the past get stored deep within the muscle tissue, causing tension and discomfort. The hips are the storehouse for much of this pain, existing as somewhat of an emotional basement, a place we throw away memories we’d prefer to forget, but they’re always there. While undergoing minutes in what can be an uncomfortable hip opener, like pigeon, frog, or bound angle, we feel the pangs of resistance as our bodies cling tight to the old.

What we need is to let go, allow the emotions and challenges to reveal themselves, rising to the surface so we can see them for what they are, and only then can we truly release them for good. In addition to acceptance, to all that was and all that we are, we need surrender. We need to yield into harsh times and submit into pleasure just the same.

As we begin to build strength and flexibility, we get to know the subtle nuances in our bodies and how to apply the appropriate amount of challenge and/or modifications to find balance in our practice. No longer feeling the need to please the teacher, impress our fellow students, or live up to some unfair standard within our minds, we open to what we truly need in that moment.

Knowing what we need here requires a depth and intelligence of ourselves that can only be honed through practice. Yoga provides a safe and open framework for each us to grow at our own pace. I thoroughly enjoy a challenging asana practice, pouring sweat onto the floor and leaving lighter than when I came in. But where I’ve really fallen in love is with Restorative Yoga. That’s the remedy for almost any challenge I’m enduring, be it in body, mind or heart.

If I’m sore, achey, lethargic, under the weather, Restorative does the trick. If I’m anxious, sad, stressed, overwhelmed, Restorative saves the day. If I’m happy, content, settled, grateful, Restorative only adds to that bliss.

We need a combination of strength and softness, power and presence, levity and lightness; and paying attention to our needs, listening from the inside out, always points us in the right direction. We may be able to rock a handstand and perform a million chaturangas, but that’s not always what we need.

At a pivotal point in the practice, Yoga is no longer about what we can do, it’s simply what we need in that very moment. We don’t need to push, we only need to respond. It’s not a performance, it’s a practice. What matters is how we feel, not how we look. Yoga is here to serve us in whatever capacity we need today. It is up to us whether we listen and take the care we need and deserve.

This choice lies within us all. And it’s an individual’s call to implement what they need on any given day. There is a quiet intelligence within all of us that our practice helps to reveal. Some would call this our intuition, our soul, our consciousness. The important thing to recognize is this is precisely the voice we tune into to give ourselves exactly what we need.

We should feel better after we practice. We’ve cleansed and released the old, opened ourselves to receiving the new. This practice is an ongoing gift, the deeper and more consistently we practice, the better our lives become.

8 days into my current Sadhana, I’m feeling clearer and more decisive. I feel more in tune with what I need and excited to be implementing these subtle changes into my daily habits. I feel even more connected in my relationships since taking a step back from social media and I look forward to re-evaluating my approach to the digital sphere once this 40 day personal practice is complete.


If you have any questions about Yoga, be it with philosophy, insight, poses, building strength, flexibility and balance, or simply how Yoga can improve your life off the mat, please feel warmly welcomed to ask away via danielle@danieatslife.com