Change Your Hair, Change Your Life

The past few months have been a massive transition, and an overall shedding of my old patterns and cynicisms, a mourning of the loss of my old life coupled with the embracing of a new one. I like metaphors, so I shed a huge chunk of hair and now feel light, open and ready to navigate yet another big change.Life is inherently unpredictable and chaotic. We do our best at the time, hopefully learn, and then adapt to change with confidence. I've never been afraid to change my mind or try something new. But I have been afraid to fully embrace myself from the inside out, to shine my light as bright as I know I can, out of some stark fear of rejection or failure. No more.With the release of some hair I also release any inner uncertainties, any fear of success or failure, and any question as to the purity of my own heart. My nature is good, my essence is whole. I ride into the future confident in this basic fact.Life is taking my tiny tribe back to the west coast. Work and passion projects are abundant in California, not to mention mountains and ocean. It's been imperative to transition into motherhood here in Chicago, with the ease of living and circle of loved ones surrounding me. But growing our tribe's abundance and opportunities has taken a priority, and we are excited to be patient and make a true home in Southern California. I'm so grateful for the h(OM)e Chicago will always be and I'm excited for the challenges and potential out west.Lots of love to all you beautiful yogis. I hope this fabulous planet keeps us connected.

Namaste
💜💚💙Dani 

Optimism is a Choice. Declare it.

If I’ve learned anything at all, it’s that my life has been a series of self-fulfilling prophecies. When I believed love was bullshit, relationships were wastes of time and most people were assholes, guess what? That’s precisely what I experienced. I had no right. To watch many members of my family love one another is akin to listening to the hypnotic and tear-extracting sounds of an impeccable symphony. They love with reckless abandon and unrelenting loyalty. And so do I. Being analytical and pragmatic, even as a damn child, I learned from multiple divorces and negative displays of love that my heart was too fragile to be fucked with, and so I let it shrink, like the Grinch, narrowing my scope and understanding, limiting my experiences and ultimately, myself. The truth of the matter is, I’m not wrong. There’s endless corroborative evidence (a nearly 60% divorce rate, for example) to support my cynicism, but this world is exponentially complex and expansive, how could I ever pigeon hull every human being into one category, or even most of them? Or eliminate the possibility for people and circumstances to change? I can’t. It’s wrong, foolish and keeps me in a cyclone of crankiness. What fun. I’ve learned to feel grateful first, for the simple and the magnificent, and everything blossomed from there. I spent roughly 4 years studying the depths of Nature vs. Nurture. I’ve spent subsequent years with less emphasis on the intellectual pursuit and more with the lessons bestowed by living. I believe wholeheartedly that the way we choose to nurture ourselves once we are responsible for our own growth is entirely indicative of our happiness and success level. My parents did their best job, despite divorces or mistakes, they loved us strongly, provided a pretty healthy genetic make-up to take care of the nature side, and then raised us in a stable, positive environment with valuable life lessons to round out the nurture aspects. Having a practical based brain and then being raised by very logical people fostered an entrenched sense of realism, with little emphasis on imagination or unknown manifestations. That was just me. This is not to disparage any family member; they’re compassionate, humorous people who gave me a love of food, travel and comedy, not to mention their belief I could do anything and the mental fortitude to take care of myself; however, there’s at times an imbalance because I made the poor decision to follow my strengths, opting out of anything that didn’t come natural to me, and when you have a hyperactive left hemisphere and choose then to squelch any right hemisphere thoughts or activities, you end up lop-sided.

Because of the way I decided to develop my brain, I was very detail oriented, athletically inclined, not afraid to say no, too afraid to say yes, and hung up on the past and anxious about the future. I had no outlet and no capacity to know I needed one. I truly grew up believing the bullshit that you are either a glass is half-full or glass is half-empty kind of person, with little credence given to the vast grey areas between or understanding of choice, that I could foster optimism, I wasn’t just born with or without it. I’d convince myself I was half-full but through various negative experiences, recognized my tendency toward the half-empty as a defense mechanism.

Because my parents got married and had children (child, me) young and inevitably got divorced, I used to carry judgment and disdain toward people who chose to engage in the same behavior. It’s none of my business. They are not my parents and although I do believe maturity will make you a better parent and there’s value in spending your twenties learning, exploring, dreaming; there’s just as much in taking on the responsibilities of a parent and doing that well. That’s just one of many examples where I see behavior repeated by someone I barely know that clearly had a caustic effect on me in my youth, and my pessimism led me toward judgment and ridicule, often sarcastic encounters, subsequent self-criticism and burned bridges. Self-fulfilling prophesy. I saw negativity or the potential for it, and I made it so. What a god damn bummer.

People who know me may attest to my kindness and loyalty, the fun side of my sense of humor and my very intense passion for things that I care about; and while I’d love to sit here and toot my own horn or give myself a break, I have to share honestly the facets of who I used to be, so I can better articulate my and other’s progress. I’m sure there are still people who’ve rubbed the old me (sometimes I call her Dani, and many people I love still call me this as she’s still apart of me, just a lesser used Danielle. Danielle 2.0) the wrong way, exhibited such repugnant and cancerous patterns that I’ve written them off or created my own invisible barriers to prevent their entry. In some instances this is wise, because those specific individuals may be hell-bent on living from their worst selves and it is not your or my responsibility to take the brunt of their bullshit and hope they’ll improve, or even fantasize our presence will do that for them, but you can choose to be optimistic, tactful in your interactions rather than defensive like I used to be, and feel compassion toward what is probably a very sad, unhealthy human being. And then there’s the cases where your/my built up walls are out of habit and keeping someone at a distance is only preventing you both from improvement, both together and apart. This is often the case with parents, family, old friends, or even co-workers. It takes a wise soul to delineate between the two. An easy way to distinguish is how you feel in their presence. Does this person bring the best or worst out of you? If it’s the worst, as some people try their damnedest to do to me, without knowing it of course; then you must wish them well and move on, painful as it may be.

Being the major work in progress I am, flawed and at times frustrated by what I don’t know or what I haven’t changed, I have to remain positive and hopeful about others and myself. The most freeing mechanism is my breath. When I feel a surge of discomfort, adversity or anxiety, whether it’s justified or in my head, instead of reacting inwardly or outwardly, I breathe. That creates space in my mind to choose my thoughts, which will then affect my emotional response, which will then be cast outward as my attitude and tone, which will then affect my interactions with the world around me. I discuss this often in Yoga, choosing the energy we bring into the room, and I’m finding the power to choose lies in just one moment and if I make the benevolent choice, the selection that is kind to me and others, that is also a self-fulfilling prophecy, compounded to an excessive level compared to the path of pessimism. The choice lies in every moment, not only in the big life decisions, but in the day-to-day. So, through the space that has been created with my breath, as simple and easy as that sounds, I’ve learned to alter my state of mind, my relative openness to the world around me. Instead of thinking before I speak, I breathe before I think, and then I think before I speak. And it’s working. It’s not finished, nor will it ever be, but it’s on the up-swing. When I encounter the disingenuous or antagonistic, it is then to deploy the parachute of optimism. I feel lighter. Negative people or circumstances just flow through, in one ear and out the other. I don’t enjoy them, nor would I choose to spend copious amounts of time or energy on them, but I choose merely not to carry them at all. My ego’s former need to put people in their place has surpassed, for the most part, and now armed with the responsibility of making my and potentially other’s days better, I’m certainly not going to let some cranky person weigh me down, choosing to see how the world is shit through their eyes, but rather looking to the kind soul next to them, who is eager and thoughtful and open to a better day. See into the light of that soul, not into the darkness of the other.

It’s easy to believe all goodness lies within our bubble and that bubble alone, and while it’s important to feel grateful for the good in your life and to surround yourself with it, feeling everything outside that box is somehow inadequate, negative or not worth your time leads down a winding path to pessimism and further self-fulfilling prophecies. Judging by the purely magnificent human beings I’ve met in the past couple years, I know the bubble theory is untrue. There is an abundance of goodness and greatness and I’d love to be privy to it all, to absorb anything and anyone I can, and hope to improve myself through expanding my circle. Having a small web of trustworthy, encouraging people will only champion a better you, but making room in your life for new, interesting people with varying perspectives and ideas will broaden you even further. Again, it’s a balancing game, and it is up to your wisdom to discern who you’ll allow into your bubble. You can at once be aware of individuals and situations that carry the potential to bring darkness while believing in your gut there is enough light in you and in the world to wash away the heavy. Allowing myself to be proved wrong keeps the progression train chugging, and simultaneously releasing any fixation with anything or anyone detrimental to that progression has led to a more authentically elated internal state.

It is very easy and extremely addictive to complain. Sure, we need to let out steam, vent our frustrations and find some solace in challenging encounters, but to the extent we take it is certainly questionable. Why, when we dislike someone, when they’ve wronged us in some way, is it then necessary to spread that negativity onto others, making others feel obligated not to like that person too? I’ve certainly been guilty of this in the past, and what’s most troubling is the degree to which I let these events stick with me, for fucking ever it seemed, not holding a grudge necessarily but definitely not letting go either. The ego needs constant validation, disagree with it and you may see tears, or fists, and the most empowering moments I’ve had is when I see my own ego at work, I watch the word-vomit spill out of my mouth and I watch as my self-fulfilling prophecies and the way I choose to nurture my own life come to fruition yet again. There’s a way to stand up for what’s right and give someone a firm, non-emotional no, a ‘present no’ as Eckhart Tolle calls it, without then perpetuating and exaggerating that event so it exists in you forever, becoming a permanent fixture in your operative state. What a colossal waste of time and energy. Imagine, if you carried and shared all the positive, enthusiastic, passionate and joyful experiences you’ve had, and during the bad days you choose to remind yourself of the good rather than letting the bleak tropical storm turn into a hurricane, choosing again optimism over pessimism, taking full responsibility for how you experience life and how you carry it on. Can you fathom how the world could open up for you? Can you embrace the unknown and be open to your and other’s possibilities? I certainly hope so.

I don’t believe optimism is an easy choice, but I do believe it’s the choice of wise, successful and genuinely happy human beings. We have this incredible facility to choose, to be hyper aware of our own existence and starkly aware of our impending death, that this knowledge can either drive us to fear, carving out even smaller boxes or circles, to a life of mediocrity and settling; or to sheer wonder, exploration, pleasure, learning, and a very heightened, engaged living. Living with presence, a relinquishing of control over the future but an omnipresent hope and exhilaration for what may come your way. When you begin to see the potential of your own mind and heart, the access to light and goodness at magnifies and expands, becoming its own self-fulfilling prophecy. Travel light, bringing emotional baggage with you around every corner only weighs you down and diminishes your light. See light, acknowledging the light in others only serves to reflect that light back to you, propagating your own goodness. Be light, making conscious decisions out of presence, making each moment better, will only make you more timeless, effervescent.

Ponder the impression you want to leave, not only on those you care deeply for, but those who’ll never know your name, only the lingering effect your energy left on them. Choose light and then brighten and spread it, no sense in hoarding, it’s not doing a number on your electric bill; if anything, your mind, body and heart will thank you, as will the countless souls left in your warm, vivacious wake. Take a look at this incredible short video created by futurist and optimist, Jason Silva. I know very little about this man, but what I see and experience leaves a lasting impression. His enthusiasm and yes, his light, are tangible and infectious, and his level of optimism only inspires me to soar to those heights, to believe in the innate goodness within myself, that same goodness that’s alive in You. I am ecstatic and energized for whatever and whoever rolls my way. I’m grateful years of skepticism and self-awareness led to my slow and gradual awakening, the truth that life is whatever the hell you can fathom it to be, my potential is only limited and thwarted by me, same for you, and whatever we believe it to be, will be.

http://vimeo.com/29938326

No one is breathing, thinking, absorbing or acting for you. You make small and large choices every single day, starting with each breath. Make the challenging decision and choose optimism. Choose light.

What it is to be Sexy: The Era of Gosling and Fassbender

If you've changed my diapers or simply do not enjoy reading, watching, or listening to discussions or showcases of sexuality, feel free to stop reading. No offense intended or taken, although I do wish you a full life, open to all pleasures, accepting of all facets making an enjoyable existence. This article is much more than it appears on the surface, but it does involve sexuality and sex appeal. Virgins and tight asses beware :) Intelligence is sexy. Discipline is sexy. Creativity is sexy. Depth is sexy. The characterization of one with sex appeal can be dissected and described a million different ways. It’s a matter of opinion and therefore holds little value in truth, but as the amount of credible opinions increase over time, an opinion then blends with fact. Empirically, Ryan Gosling and Michael Fassbender are sexy. The apparent uproar over this year’s meaningless bestowing of Sexiest Man Alive to Bradley Cooper (according to People Magazine) over Gosling shows just what weight these opinions can carry. Sure, they’re moot and unnecessary in the grand scheme, but given the nature of sexuality and the importance of it in not only society but life itself showcases the truth behind a specific culture. Who we find sexy and who we find attractive are two very different things. Certainly Mr. Sexiest Man Alive 1985 won’t be showing up again anytime soon (Mel Gibson) and only time will tell how Mr. Cooper will fare. For arguments sake, what makes someone sexy in our culture is mystery, talent, strength and goodness. Let’s break these down.

have two examples where an air of mystery is exhibited and fostered in film. Drive and Shame. Both are quieter films, dealing with some seriously violent, negative and unfortunate circumstances involving characters with secrets and depth we cannot imagine. Both are led by Gosling and Fassbender, respectively; and both have limited dialogue but an array of expression in tone, mannerisms, action and speak volumes where there is no sound. In both, despite dealing with extreme character flaws, the leading men take you through their story, convince you to accept and have compassion for them as flawed human beings while making some truly deplorable decisions. Both the characters and the actors do not lay everything out for you. Like the adult you are, you must read between the lines and come to many of your own conclusions. Beyond Fassbenders’ third leg (George Clooney joked he could play golf with his hands tied behind his back. Can’t say I’d look away if that actually happened), he has what any intriguing human being carries, life, soul and depth behind his eyes. You have no idea what or why, but you want to know more. Both men make you blush, sweat, laugh and cry, like a good lover should. Both have great senses of humor offscreen while remaining quite private and low-key, living with a brewing intensity, all adding to the enigma. I want more of both.

I’d be willing to guess 75% (probably more) of talent is wasted in this world. For any number of reasons one might go through life without recognizing their own gift, thus being unable to foster it, and give it away. What makes talent so sexy and appealing is not simply the gift, but the dedication and work behind it. I’m fortunate to be friends with some immensely talented people. Dancers, musicians, painters, graphic artists, athletes, successful business men and women, etc. I don’t watch them perform or gaze at their work and think “wow, they’re so lucky, what a gift,” I think “my god, what finding your purpose and busting your ass can do.” Sure, stage presence, artistry, a body morphed by discipline are all very physically attractive things, but the perseverance and passion behind the eyes, the audacity and courage to hone your talent and pursue it and then to exhibit it so beautifully, is so god damn hot. Watching actors be chameleons, like Gosling and Fassbender clearly are, just adds another tasty ingredient and is another reason they’re successful now and without doubt will be only improving down the road.

Strength. The word probably conjures a slew of images and examples. You might think of a gigantic man pulling an 18 wheeler, or a faceless body with ripped muscles, or an image of a person with cancer, handling their illness with integrity and grace. From what I’ve observed, it takes strength to live a very balanced life, to treat your body and mind like the machines they are while maintaining a semblance of humility and grace in order to carry it off. It’s not necessarily the way they wear their clothes or the way they look in the shower (although the pure animal magnetism when seeing a strong, broad man with a distinct voice and mannerisms, move in the way they do, like a lioness in observation of the males’ power and force, triggers a very primal center in my brain, and every instinct says MATE, make powerful offspring with THAT!), but how they carry that masculine frame, how they value their health, and the inner strength required to build the physicality, to keep bettering and challenging their work, and how they live in harmony between pride and confidence, style and substance, notoriety and privacy. I have nothing against Robert Pattinson or Justin Bieber, but they’ve yet to exhibit both the raw and the fine-tuned fusion of intelligence, talent, humor, beauty, wisdom and mystery, as the American and Brit I’m writing about here. Not even close. Here’s where goodness comes in.

I used to be very attracted to Tiger Woods, not that I don’t find him physically attractive anymore, and not that I was shocked when his scandal broke a couple years ago, but to me the discipline and strength he personified beautifully on the golf course was seemingly nonexistent in his personal life, and that shows inherent weakness. It takes genuine fortitude and a secure human being to live with integrity, to garner their own success while carrying an open heart, following their bliss, treating others well and living as little from your ego as possible. I have no judgments toward anyone’s behavior in the bedroom, truly, have fun, have one, have all, but don’t be a douche and lie to your wife while you’re banging hoards of mediocre people. Those who live life with a facade are not strong at all. They may have walls built from years of self-preservation and I certainly hope those people move past that and have the courage to live openly in all facets of their lives; but until then, you are not sexy. You can dress the part, act the part, showcase your hot body, spectacular talent and external success til the cows come home, but it’s still phony, it’s still a lie, and liars aren’t sexy, except to equally unconscious people. Goodness is what rounds out a total package. Goodness is there on the darkest days when you’re injured, or uninspired, at home with your dogs. I never assumed Tiger Woods was good, I just knew he was great. He’d perfected many things, while neglecting others. Through various stories you can read in Vanity Fair, GQ or any magazine with real journalism and in-depth interviews (not tabloids, not E! online), you’ll get a sense for Gosling and Fassbender’s humility and groundedness, their cheeky sense of humor, the love of their craft and appreciation for where they came from. Gosling takes his mom to award shows. Aw. None of us knows for sure whether their goodness is sincere, but what I’ve seen so far, it doesn’t seem fake or forced, it just is. And that’s sexy.

It seems the best films I’ve seen this year have included these two men. I recently saw A Dangerous Method, a David Cronenberg film starring Fassbender as Dr. Carl Jung, following Freud and the advent of psychoanalysis. It was driven by century old theories of sexual neurosis, rich with dialogue and propelled strongly by it’s lead. One of the most courageous films of the year involves Fassbender’s role in Shame, a successful late 30’s man living in Manhattan and suffering deeply with sex addiction, genuinely, not in the Jesse James/Tiger Woods I can’t stop cheating on my wife disease, but a raw portrayal of a lonely man without the facility and openness to love, so he screws everything and everyone, even men during times of desperation. Fassbender played the role on a razor’s edge, with equal parts control and defensiveness, charm and desperation, potential and hopelessness. Gosling carried a similar disposition in Drive, holding in secrets and engaging in very questionable behavior. That same line was drawn beautifully in George Clooney’s (another timeless and pervasively sexy man) film Ides of March. Gosling was stellar in that role as well. I’d watch Crazy, Stupid, Love on mute, for many reasons, one in particular. I’m not a comic book person, a trilogy or sequel follower (haven’t seen all Star Wars, Lord of Rings, Spiderman, Superman, etc. not really interested), but X-Men: First Class knocked my socks off. Just like in Inglorious Basterds, Fassbender is a scene stealer here. They’ve both proved their dedication and craftsmanship in films like Hunger and Lars and the Real Girl, and we’ll look forward to continued brilliance in Prometheus and Only God Forgives, but for now, we’ll just will ourselves to dream about them in the whee hours of the night.

Note: Carrie Mulligan is in both of these fantastic films. She is a very talented beauty, very sexy in her own right.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24cjqfVv1fs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBiOF3y1W0Y&feature=related

You may be in a relationship, as am I, but you’re not dead, and neither am I. The very descriptions I used to prove Gosling and Fassbender’s sexual magnetism is living and breathing in many people I know, men and women, and the one I’m lucky to sleep next to every night. There are many talented, strong, intelligent and beautiful women, famous or not, who are living truthfully, devoted and passionate, genuinely sexy human beings. I’m encouraged and inspired, just without the urge to surge, but understand why men do. I’ve been drawn to men since I was young, never being attracted to men my age and hardly wasting time on the Justin Bieber types. Give me an interesting, clever, open, thoughtful and strong man and I’m a happy woman. I enjoy having the open dialogue with the very sexy man in my life, neither of us being threatened by a harmless crush but totally agreeing in what makes someone sexy. Sex is fun, seeing others embrace this makes life an enjoyable ride, so to speak. Enjoy your crushes in a respectful way and challenge your standards at what constitutes sexy. And if you’re unsure, check out Ryan Gosling or Michael Fassbender in anything. Hopefully they’ll make some ironic sexy man film together someday, or maybe that will just exist in my dreams.

No need to be uptight. We were born naked. Learning to embrace primal urges while finding balance is a key to a good life. Life full of delicious foods, mental dexterity, physical challenges, high brow humor and down n’ dirty romps in the sack, with a sexy partner, or by yourself. Happy humping everyone.

Are You a Stage-5 Clinger or a Day Dreamer?

The past is valuable because you learn. The stove is hot. Next time, I will not touch it as I will burn myself, as I just did. See, what a beautiful lesson the past has now taught us, and guess what? I haven’t burnt myself on the stove for a while; so yeah, feeling good. Learning to surrender the emotional scars, learning from your own mistakes while not dwelling in guilt and self-punishment, now that’s another story. All I can say is when we are trapped in the past, we repeat the past, over and over again ad nauseam. It’s not cute. Nor is it helpful or enlightening. It’s repetitive and banal until it becomes predictable and damaging. I look back on the men I used to be drawn to, or the one I let myself fall effortlessly into the void too many times, and I smirk and roll my eyes. What a dumbass. But you see? It’s just that kind of internal rhetoric that does not serve me NOW, the only fucking reality there ever is. At one point, I became fed up with my own patterns and I (with the support and encouragement of my mom and friends of course, an important tool) yanked myself out of it and truly moved on. That was just men. One sliver of what’s turning out to be a delicious savory sweet pie. Now I struggle with self-doubt, less now that I’ve pursued teaching and writing truthfully with commitment, but I’ve been absorbing courage from some pretty incredible friends and colleagues, who live wildly open, naked, raw, and while I find it important to be that friend for others, who cheers them on, supports their expression and is proud of their ballsiness, I need to turn that good friend in me and direct it inward, because no one will get me to do anything but me, the good me that says I’m worthy just as others are, that just because there are streams of talent and beauty being showcased there is no necessity for comparison. Expression is expression and regardless if I blow people away, the release of letting something out nourishes me beyond what any purchase, drug or fear could placate. The bad me says it’s self-indulgent, attention seeking and nothing life-changing so why bother? Because I wouldn’t let some asshole tell me I’m worthless and shitty so why would I tell that to myself? It’s astonishing how much we can get in our own way, basically because we’re choosing fear over love. Think about the decisions you’ve made, big and small, day-to-day in how you engage with others to getting up on that dance floor or making that big speech, falling in love, reaching out when in need, whatever those triggers are for you. How often have you stopped yourself from speaking, acting, crying, believing, loving? We can change this. Patience, practice and presence.

So I’d say my fears and my sense of time, derived by my complex mind, have allowed me to slowly evolve and learn, but I’ve managed to keep some childhood patterns, the one where I won’t try something unless I know I’ll be good at it (WTF is that?! What arrogant asshole assumes they’ll be good at everything? Clearly everything worth doing is challenging. I’m learning.), meaning I must show potential in this or why am I here? The answer is growth. That’s why I’m here and while I feel it’s helpful and important to follow your strengths so you can give whatever gift is inside outwardly, we mustn't shy away from attempting things that scare us because of some hypothetical bullshit, scaredy cat attitude, where we project potential scenarios into the future, predicting embarrassment and ridicule, instead of reality where human beings are kind and supportive and appreciate vulnerability and someone’s willingness to fall down and get back up.

So the past is repeated and the future is rehearsed. Boy was I a dreamer as a child. I’m pretty sure I had insomnia. I was fine, healthy, functioned adequately, but I did spend many nights awake just pondering, wondering, dreaming, and while that’s fun and imagination should certainly be fostered, I fell into a pattern (conditioned by my past) to focus my attention and enthusiasm at achievements or events arriving at a later day. So, I predicated my happiness on something happening down the line. I’d make myself sick from excitement or stress (one might call this anxiety) and I look back at periods of my life as if they’re a blur, because I spent so much of that time trapped in my mind, reliving the past, anticipating the future. I’m starting to sound like a broken record to my yoga students because I mention this often, but everything I’ve learned and gathered in my life thus far, has led me to this truth. This may be the only thing I know for sure. Happiness exists, joy animates, enthusiasm projects, and acceptance takes residence in this very moment, this fraction of a second, Now, and nowhere else. It’s not over there, it’s not marked on your calendar, it’s not within another human being or animal, not at your apartment, or your workspace, not when you can practice your hobby, or have that drink or puff. It’s not when you graduate, when you get the promotion or raise, that new car, new bag, new stuff, new look, new friend, new romance, or the next new magical gift that will then turn the light inside you ON. It’s right fucking here, right fucking now. Surrender to that, and your outward expression and experience in this measly little lifetime we’re given will become so vast and spacious, you’ll be overwhelmed. You may enjoy the aforementioned things, derive pleasure, but these are merely bonuses, facets to a rich existence, but not the path to long-term contentment or internal success.

I still find myself questioning decisions I’ve made or will make. I find myself disheartened and perplexed by human beings constantly, those I have to deal with on a consistent basis, and while I have days where I just feel like shit, I feel low, I feel like no one gives a fuck, I’m able to pull myself out of that mind-induced slump quicker, knowing that I give a fuck and there is a short list of quality human beings and a few animals who care too. This world is consuming, moving rapidly but progressing slowly, and it’s imperative that your personal sense of time and your stage in this evolutionary process is completely removed from the world’s time, clock time, psychological time. Use the past as a tool to remind yourself you’ve repeated a pattern, get to know your inner monologue and adjust it to uplift yourself. Use the future as fuel to fire up the present, because the better you are in THIS moment, imagine the result in the next. Use time as a tool, not a crutch. Surrender the unknown, what you cannot control and what you cannot change and bring more vibrancy to learning, using what you do know, regulate what you can from within and let it bleed out.

Surrendering attachment, truly letting go is a gradual, inside out process. Giving up caffeine or cigarettes will only eliminate a fraction of the problem, until our lingering resentment and soured expectations conjure up a new vice to diminish the negative web our minds are spinning. Sure we need to let go of the past, forgive ourselves and others, recognize what’s done is done, the bell can never be un-rung, but the real strength is in surrendering each moment, accepting yourself and your extenuating circumstances AS THEY ARE, not as they could have been or how they should be or how you hope they’ll be, but accepting responsibility to control your reactions, your perceptions and ultimately your attachment to whatever IS. Eckhart Tolle, Joseph Campbell and many brilliant Yogis and philosophers explain and personify this beautifully. It’s beyond even the most beautifully written words. It is a truth you must infuse into your way of living and being. It’s not to be labeled. It’s not a noun, verb or adverb. It just Is. You just Are.

Can you continue to blossom as the external dares you to shrink? Can you give yourself warmth and light from the very essence you are when the thunderous darkness of your ego and it’s stubborn attachment to the unimportant aim to envelop you, leaving you cold and confused, even more steeped in fear, feeling even more alone. You can start very easily by accepting your mind and body as it is right now, there’s nothing you can do in this moment to change it or manipulate it so you somehow perceive it positively. Let go of comparison, of judgment, of expectation and just embrace yourself and the Now. Notice even within a challenging task how surrender feels. The more you fidget, grimace, or clench (physically and mentally), the more difficult and frustrating it will be. What you resist persists. It is difficult because our minds are cunning, clever little bastards and they seek to retell the same boring sob story over and over again. Just begin by bringing awareness to whatever your patterns are, wherever your tendency toward control manifests and through that awareness, a space will open up for wisdom, kindness, acceptance and release. Let go.

You deserve the most vibrant life a human can live. Believe it and Be it. Turn ON the light the only way possible, yourself, without worry for other’s brightness, your genuine example of acceptance and enthusiasm for this moment is bound to rub off positively on someone. And if not, you’ve got You and that’s one hell of an accomplishment. Those of us working to find more presence and light within can serve others by bouncing off ideas, giving support, and when in doubt, thinking and acting out of compassion. I am merely a work in progress, but I’m sincerely jazzed and buzzing from the challenge that is living a remarkable life, aiming to brighten my and someone else’s day and find that more darkness has faded away.

No matter the weather, no matter your upbringing, your socio-economic status, your religious or political affiliations, your sexual preferences, your grade point average, your color, your size, your current job or your dream job, your perceived status or reputation, the details of your past or projections for the future, You can choose to turn on that light, operate from your best essence and surrender to what is, to embrace here and now, proactively choose Love instead of reactively choosing fear. Surrender is under-valued and connotes images of a white flag and of loss. Bullshit. It takes strength to let go. You're a bright shiny winner.

You ARE Life. Stop wasting your energy and Live.

Only You

The only aspect to life that is truly sustainable is the love you have within you.People are beautiful, but like you, they’re mostly concerned with their own well being, their own expression, their own fulfillment. You must support yourself, uplift yourself, give to yourself and others what you need to sustain, remain, let go of shame, stop complaining and eliminate blaming. We are multi-faceted, so the goodness you see in yourself and others does not manifest how you’d imagine. This feels disappointing, lonely, confusing. But the other who’s utilizing communication only for their gain, only for their podium of arrogance or vomit, their ironic misappropriations, their moronic denigrations, can only serve to limit themselves and create space between who they are and who they could be. It’s difficult to remember the oneness we all possess. It’s even harder to give yourself what you feel no one else can, because you want it in the form of connection. We all are just on a quest to fulfill needs. We’re all pimps and prostitutes within the same breath. We buy into something, and aim to sell another. Very few are your real brothers and mothers. There is so much goodness, but its direction is erratic and mostly it’s used to self-serve. Serving others for their predetermined response is not selfless. It’s dangerous. This world, no matter how we all try or seem to know the truth, fosters and rewards the negative, the status quo, and the planets below. Solitude is imperative, an independent freedom from thought. Thought within self, and the incessant stream of thought expressed by another, by every other and their mother and brother. But not your brother. We must want sincerely the contentment and awakening of others, but only concern ourselves with enlightenment within. The responsibility to be good lies in one human being. Nothing anyone else does to you carries meaning. Only how you perceive it. Only the way you digest it. And manifest it. Only you are responsible. Only you are in control. Only you have the power. But that power lies within you. It must be extracted and exuded with care and with zero expectation. You must place your hopes and dreams on you and you alone. No one owes us a thing. Even your mother. Your brother. Your friends. No matter your contribution. No matter your level of nourishment. No matter your investment. Give to give and then let it go. Even if no one will ever know. Let go. Not because of obligation do you give your best self. Not because of imagination do you pursue idealism. Not because of expectation do you act out of generosity. Nor should you simply hoard these facets of goodness because of perceived scarcity. Because of an assumed lack in positive retaliation. Because of a current stagnation. It is in these moments, you should seek solitude and reconvene with your better self. It is here that you realize goodness cannot be contained. It will suffocate, implode. Allowing negativity to explode, project. Debris for miles. Destroyer of smiles. All because of contrived generosity, phony care and disingenuous kindness. Because of blindness. One must not be discouraged by the pervasive mediocrity. Only you can rise. Exhibit prosperity. Showcase charity. Only you can be courageous. Hoping it’s contagious. Only you can make giving into a living. Only you can translate being into seeing. Only you can live in alignment with truth. Only you can find a noble pursuit. Only you can embody joy. Appreciation. Enthusiasm. Only you can choose your frequency. One with the flow, life’s apparent sequencey. Only you can Love in the way you need. Only you can be fully realized. You are the growth and the seed. Only you can merely, simply, potentially; not eventually, but essentially, Be.

We Don't Need No Resolution

Humans love to romanticize endings. And beginnings. And the draggy parts in the middle I guess, but they dig a goodbye, the drama of dissolution. And so as 2011 comes to a close, I’m forced via the emotional climate and energy to reflect upon this year, make assertions and judgments, constructively criticize myself and then pinpoint a new goal for next year. But what if this year was so beautifully perfect, glorious and pristine, rich and dense, at once hazy and yet crystal clear, that you don’t want it to dissolve? I want to reside in this current state of being into 2012 and keep experiencing life with this mindset and principles. Not that I’m whole, fully realized, successful or 100% fulfilled, but this year set off a flame inside me that is already burning bright, it’s impervious, cannot be dimmed. This is not a spotlight. I am not performing. I am Alive. Excessively so. And I aim to remain. We often want to lose weight, lose/gain a job, lose/gain a relationship, start something we’ve been wanting or end something our friends have been pleading us to; none of this works. These are external solutions for internal issues. We must be patient and kind to ourselves, begin to recognize old thought and behavior patterns, bring some awareness in and see the subtle shift we make toward progress. We shift the internal and the external blossoms. Having goals to change or improve aren’t bad, clearly, but our society perpetuates superficial or cliché objectives every new year, as if that specific fragment in time means anything.

Winter is often difficult and sometimes depressing, 3 months of dissolution, we see it in nature. A more appropriate date to explore varying routes to positive change is the end of March, Spring, a time of worldwide growth, amongst humans, animals, plants, a time of beginnings, renewals, a time to blossom. However, putting an actual date on your impending change in behavior or lifestyle only keeps this goal living in the future, some distant place you’ll reach somehow but obviously progress can only really occur in the now, and keep occurring during this very moment, from the inside out.

Just speaking from the western culture I’ve developed in and observed, we begin a steady decline once fall hits, the weather cools and we roll into the “dress up like someone scary/slutty/funny/weird/obscure” time while ingesting copious amounts of sweets and probably alcohol or some fun but harmful substance, and then for some deranged reason we hop on a gluttony train, eating stale candy until we can fill ourselves with pie, starch, turkey and other November deliciousness that inevitably makes us tired so we coast on lethargy and bloat until December when the cavalcade of holiday parties take up our weekends. By then we’re exhausted from our consumerist activities, shopping, eating, decorating, napping, drinking and any combination/order of those until we park ourselves permanently onto a cushioned surface to eat some tasty meat doubled over with butter, served with sides of gravy, accompanied by items covered in cheese or mysterious crunchy goodness, which is then sandwiched in moments of time eating holiday themed savory and sweet treats, washed down by equally intoxicating special occasion beverages while you watch Home Alone for the 8th time that month because you have the case for Christmas Vacation but no actual disk and although the charm and nostalgia of a VHS tape is fun, no one in their right mind still owns and uses a VCR, nor do we want to watch that shitty version made for a 19 inch 80’s television, then stretched to fit a modern high-definition flat screen.

After Home Alone 1 and 2, you may switch back to the 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story, marking the 12th year you’ve watched it out-of-order, finding somehow to see the same scenes but never the full story, rarely remembering character names or a plot but merely specific famous lines and scenarios that have embedded their way into our culture like Star Wars references. I’ve only seen the first film (the one with a handsome Harrison Ford, not episode one or whatever, nerds) and yet I know that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father, just like I know in a Christmas Story the boy shoots his eyeglass out, gets into a fight, gets pushed down a slide by Santa’s boot and gets soap shoved in his mouth for cursing. It’s my parent’s generational holiday story and for some reason ours is Christmas Vacation and Home Alone. Can’t get enough of either. Back on track...

Then you have pie. And then, even though you all promised to cut back or perhaps not buy any gifts this year, the tree is up to its angel in gifts and you dole it out eagerly, most going to babies who don’t know and children who will soon forget, or simply prefer to play with the box over its contents. You add up your gift cards, inevitably lose something in the piles of wrapping paper and then you nap, waking up to another shot from A Christmas Story you saw earlier in the day. And then you eat cookies. At some point someone starts gathering trash, hoards and hoards of ugly patterned paper, tissue, tape, ripped bags, cards someone pretends to keep but actually tosses, rolled up food stained napkins, plates, half full cups, and candy wrappers, saying goodbye to numerous trees yet again, asking yourself if you’ve even had water once today, opting for whatever’s left in your plastic santa cup before you throw it away.

So you’ve had an 8-10 week sugar rush interspersed with moments of pure sloth, to then emerge at the end of December with nothing to show for it but some sugar related acne, broken zippers, burst buttons, probably some fun albeit foggy memories, and fading bitter ones of board games lost, and then a low-grade -no more singing joyfully, no more candy (until Valentine’s Day), no more forced, organized opportunities to gorge and get drunk with family and friends, no more too good to pass up sales, back to work- depression sets in.

For some reason, during this time I just described with 100% accuracy, we’re forced to evaluate our lives during a couple of months of indulgent, surfacey fun behavior and amidst all the chaos and stupor we’re then encouraged to land safely back in reality to then scout out our faults and bad habits and scold ourselves into changing after one last night of emotional and physical bingeing, to then miraculously make huge steps in an entirely newer and better direction for an infinite amount of time. No thank you. What a bunch of bullshit designed to keep us in our cyclone of crap, to repeat the same nonsense from January to December yet again.

There should be zero guilt associated with those few months of celebration, sugar absorption, gift giving and relaxing. It’s biological. Winter is coming, we need an extra layer to keep warm. That ebb and flow is natural, we’re leaner when it’s hot and fuller when it’s cold. When it comes to the more long-term, major adjustments, the resolution is much deeper and cannot begin after a night of alcohol abuse and slurred words. Perhaps we should begin on an arbitrary date, or our birthdays, or some date significant to us but no one else. The date does not matter. It is the intention and the energetic focus of that intention that determines our success in this evolutionary endeavor. Our goal as individuals and as a society is to keep getting better, internally, opening our mind and our heart a little more each day, so what we have to give only grows and a blissful presence remains despite external stress, relationship woes, excess pounds, or the absence of money.

We don’t need no resolution and we certainly don’t need it on January 1st. This is recuperation time. Time to reflect on the positives of the year, take the lessons from the mistakes and let any lingering negativity go. Time to let the massive quantities of carbohydrates digest, give the ole liver and kidneys some much needed H2O, resolve to either make changes necessary in the areas we are not happy and/or recognize the power in our own perception and reactivity. We choose to see people and situations in our own light and if that light is consistently dark and pervasively negative, then we know the change must first come within. As within, so without. If someone or something is so overtly caustic to us and others, then we must choose to remove ourselves from their presence. When it’s a necessary to suck it up and deal, then I’ve found it helpful to find the good and let it drown out the bad, whether in a human being or circumstance. We then change the way we operate toward the person or environment and the results are proof, we get what we give.

This year I resolve to feel nothing but gratitude for what’s led me here. Love.

I will allow my heart to speak up over my head and my chattering left brain to be silenced by the wisdom and acceptance of my right.

I will continue to strip my life down to simple truths and joys, food, laughter, love. Everything else is bonus.

I will do my best to choose collaboration over competition and relish the act of playing a game instead of predicating my happiness on the result. The means is far more important than the end.

I will not be discouraged when whatever external forms of success seem to be at a stand-still and when the financial well continues to be dry.

I will try to treat myself like I do my best friends and encourage them to do the same. Instead of labeling myself and others for their faults, I’ll lead and be grateful for the strengths and hope they diminish the weaknesses.

I will strive for a stream of consciousness that imbues a sense of connection with others, an unshakable calm disposition with an uninhibited self-expression, while in a perpetual state of internal and external motion.

Even those with whom I’d prefer to be apart, I wish you peace and goodness. For those I love, I wish you a balanced, loving life so full you’re overwhelmed by your happiness, fulfilled by your endeavors and satisfied in every imaginable way. I wish for us all to enjoy a full life together. Happy New Year.

May you always Eat (like a fatty), Laugh (like a schizo) and Love (like a lunatic). Remember: You’re awesome, give whatever you feel you’re lacking, let’s not take each other so seriously and have some fun in this whacktastic world.

Resolve conflicts. Relinquish control. Realize your innate goodness. Release. Repeat.

Music for the Moment

The best quality music brings to my life is the ability, over most other art-forms, to tap me into primal urges, simple but profound needs, desires and truths. It affects me from the inside out, makes my heart beat faster, harder, louder. It activates and stimulates both sides of my brain at once, provoking thought and feeling. At once we connect with others who are sharing the same frequency and sensation when reacting to this music; but also there’s an independent, unique memory now attached to your story, forever marking this era in your life. Whenever you hear that song or album, you’ll immediately be thrust back to those sense perceptions and emotions accompanying this tune. For me, this experience is still somewhat rare, perhaps because I have a dog like loyalty to musicians or bands and I’ll obsessively listen to them for months, even years, in a small group of others until someone snaps me out of my trance. And there's simply not enough time in the day to experience enough art. Regardless of how or why, I enjoy these extraordinary experiences with music, and songs in particular. I’m fortunate in receiving this gift from people I know, people I call friends and soul mates, the members of the exquisitely special and talented band whysowhite. I plan to share many insights and thoughts on my journey with whysowhite in the future, but for now I just look forward to their impending reunion, leading to a great gift for humanity. There’s enough to placate me until then, please give them a listen and spread the Love. Please check out this video on my hub’s vimeo page, where he showcases his hard work while shining a light on others. There are a few gems in there, and two joyful, infectious whysowhite videos, providing merely a speck, a glimmer into the infinitely talented 7 man band we can’t get enough of, and those we’re patiently waiting until we get even just a little more. While you’re at it, hop over to our friend and enigmatic member of whysowhite’s music blog, Moonspeak. The man lives, breathes, communicates music. His knowledge is cavernous, taste impeccable, and instincts are more sound than anyone I’ve ever known. His equally beautiful and talented brother (another profound member of wsw) lends his skills and personality to this very well thought-out selection of artists, albums and songs. Imagine Van Gogh having an art blog. You’d be a fool not to read, listen, watch, absorb and retain. I’m forever changed by their presence in my life and now I’m aiming to spread the joy and love they’ve so generously given me. Enjoy this feast for your eyes, ears, minds and hearts, and then spread the soulful love.

Currently there are a few songs playing on shuffle, both in my iPod and in the space between my ears, where my beautifully operatic voice sings to me while I tread lightly on the slippery, cold streets of Chicago. It’s pretty incredible how great I sound inside my head, or how great my mind plays back songs I’ve listened to on repeat. I do my best to open myself to any genre of music. I’ve found modern country to be a bit nauseating but I’m willing to admit my reluctance in listening to a lot of it, so there’s bound to be some great artists out there I just haven’t made time for, choosing instead to listen to every single Black Keys song over and over, keeping my ears occupied between podcasts and until their next album releases. Let me quickly recommend El Camino if you haven’t given it a go yet. It carries this great quality of feeling nostalgic, providing everything I’ve loved while somehow bringing something new to the table. It’s quick drum beats, unique guitar riffs and some seriously special use of the keyboards. I’ve been in love with the shy two-man band for 5 years now and could not be happier for their success. I will not hide my enthusiasm simply because they’ve become popular and there’s sure to be backlash. I’m sticking by them and strongly urge everyone to explore their earlier work. One of my favorite comedic artists lent his talents to spread the Black Keys greatness.

Their albums tell their own specific story by exploring with various melodies and tones, instrumental and lyrical themes, while weaving them all together with a single thread that is signature of the Black Keys. They evolve their sound while staying true to their essence. Give it all a go. If I were to encourage you to listen to a few, perhaps one from each album, I’d of course say listen to them all (I change my favorites depending on the day, the mood, what sounds and words I’m resonating with), find your own story within the album’s; but for right now, give Nobody But You, Heavy Soul, Have Love Will Travel, Everywhere I Go, When The Lights Go Out, You’re The One, Same Old Thing, The Only One and Sister a go. I just want to express how difficult that was. As I leafed through their amazing catalogue, I found it nearly impossible to choose just one song from each album. Each song is on it’s own planet, with Dan Auerbach’s lead vocals showcasing more than just a great rock range, he chooses a key for a reason and that reason is to better tell the story. The wise progression and combination of instruments makes their music a perfect package. You may want to check out Dearest, the excellent Buddy Holly cover, and Dan’s solo album, Keep it Hid is a densely rich album with a slew of favorites as well. Check out Heartbroken, In Disrepair. And last thing, one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard is from their album Rubber Factory. It's called The Lengths. It was the first song I ever wrote about. I’ve heard it hundreds of times and never tire, my heart wants more. I hope you love any of these half as much as I do, because I know you’ll feel the transformative effects great music can provide. Being a human being is awesome!

I don’t know how it happened but somehow I managed to gather a significant number of very talented friends, who also have talented friends, so like a bunch of hippies we just gather and have artistic conversations and I get to be wowed on a consistent basis by the limitless potential of the people around me. At times, I feel insecure and unworthy, like I should be relegated to another room where I just listen but don’t actually participate with those who are clearly on a different plane. It’s because most of them are artists and that’s a difficult word for me to attach to myself, regardless if I feel creative, I cannot give myself that descriptor, but I’m opening to it. They never make me feel like I don’t belong, which is a credit to their hearts and their inherent generosity, so I figure the least I can do is express my awe, my admiration, respect, enthusiasm and Love the best way I can, through a rambling selection of words. My roommates, who happen to be my brother and my husband, both are aspiring cinematographers, geeking out over lighting and shots in ways I cannot even comprehend, but I love watching their passion and seeing them work together. The videos provided above include a collaboration of their skills and artistry with our ingenious friends. They recently were members of a small crew helping to make a music video with another up-and-coming group of musicians, Secret Colours, on their gut punching rock song Faust.

It begins with a low, quick bass riff, and quiet lyrics, almost whispering, lurking, preying, like a tiger slowly approaching it’s dinner. Then, in a flash of musical brilliance, the base goes to 11, instruments in fast forward, pulling you deep into the moment, into the reality of the song. It moves like moments in life, fragments of stillness, waiting, approaching, and then bam, you’re in it, no escape, just ride it out. According to legend, Faust is a scholar who sells his soul to the devil, in exchange for knowledge and power. A befitting metaphor for any era in humanity, Secret Colours builds their rock anthem beautifully, with gripping lyrics, music that drives the story and punches it up in the right moments. This song has been on a short list of songs providing the soundtrack to my life at the moment. I certainly recognize moments where I have and occasionally still feel faustian, but mainly I’m just drawn to this sound. I liked the song immediately, from one second in, with the first bar I said yes, I want to hear more. When I learned my bro and hub were working on their video, my excitement shot through the roof and I knew I had to do my best to share this beautifully combined gift. The crew busted their balls, shooting into the early, freezing Chicago morning, and outside in the cold dark of night (sounds like a corny line from a screenplay, apologies), then going back to earning a modest income to support their passion until they hopefully reap some fruits of their labor. It certainly is a labor of love, and they all deserve and have earned this success. I hope it continues to grow for all of them. Enjoy the video, if you like it, share it! And feel free to pass along recommendations to me, that’s how most brilliant works of art have come my way. I’m grateful, keep it coming.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9Op-i0MRSI

The last song I’m choosing to share as the year approaches it’s dissolution is another tune I liked immediately, within seconds, and after just one listen it stuck, permanently weaved into the fabric of my being and onto the script in my brain. This song affects me in the most profound way. It conjures and inspires primal instincts, making me hungry, thirsty, lustful, provoking a different breath, internal swelling and movement, and one of few that reminds me how I prefer to love and be loved, with reckless abandon, raw, cut open, prepared to bleed out forever. That may sound a bit twisted, but if you ignore propriety and how society relentlessly tells us to behave, and instead turn the focus inward, respond instinctually, combining our very advanced left and right hemispheres to operate with thoughtful passion, organized enthusiasm and pure, unadulterated Love, everything will feel much more sensual, natural and heightened. Often the world diminishes the importance of satisfying these intense urges, telling us our bodies are dirty, our minds are sick, and reason always supersedes impulse. When it comes to potentially hurting others, these rules are important and should be heeded, but when we’re deeply entrenched in moments where following the instincts and/or the heart will benefit your soul, aid in your evolution, and we instead choose fear, perceiving judgment or ridicule, we lose. This song makes me want to run naked into the roaring ocean, passionately kiss regardless of the surroundings and satisfy any other urge or impulse my soul sees fit. The song is Future Starts Slow, by the Kills.

It starts with very rhythmic, tribal drums, activating the pelvis, eliciting dance, firing up the loins. Then, the hook, a sharp guitar riff, memorable, carving out your heart, the strings plucking somewhere deep in your being. Then simple, beautiful, intelligent lyrics fuck with your mind, tug at your soul.

You can holler You can wail You can swing You can flail You can thump like a broken sail But I’ll never give you up If I ever give you up My heart will surely fail

I swear I felt those lyrics just in listening to the music, from the beginning. It makes me close my eyes and sway, motion from the inside out. The song builds, slows, and just is perfection, rounding back to what I feel is a bold statement in support of Love, real love, strong loving between two exquisitely primal beings.

You can holler You can wail You can blow what’s left of my right mind

You can swing You can flail You can blow what’s left of my right mind

Um, yes please. Destroy me with who you are, in every way imaginable, by giving me your genuine self, to the core, in this moment with me. I don’t need your flowers, your greeting cards, or your modern expression of romanticism in front of others. I need passion, laughter, hunger, encouragement and release, in however that manifests in our present. All I want is You.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiLjuRG3hoE&ob=av2n

Sometimes music just makes me want to dance, smile, cry, and any myriad of actions and feelings on the emotional spectrum, from superficial to deep. Music, and most forms of art are expressions of truth, and if something resonates with you, then that’s clearly your truth in that moment. Thinking back to the art I loved as a child and re-living my artistic choices, both in experience and expression, it tells my unique story, giving me a time-line of emotion and thought for phases of my life. How those previous emotional attachments evolve is interesting to observe. Songs that used to make me sad, now make me cry from gratitude and the recognition of change within and without. Some just feel the damn same, clusters of happiness I repeatedly expose myself to and yearn to share with others. Whatever the reason, feel it, and if you feel it’s worth while, share it, whether you’re listening, viewing, tasting, smelling, feeling, reading or some combination of it all.

Absorb. Process. Express. Experience. Thank you.

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A Buoyant Heart

I’ve been so appallingly fortunate my entire life to have been surrounded by good people. Even those dealing with personal demons still retained their humanity and their ability to love. Since becoming an adult and encountering different walks of life, while still fostering existing relationships, my fellow earthlings have taught me invaluable lessons, inspired me to tears and extracted an even better human being out of me, slowly. I think I was born with a really big heart, full of compassion and gratitude, but I’m also plagued with an overactive mind, that at times seeks to supersede my slowly evolving heart. When I’m with those of you who’re impacting me positively, whether it be family, close friends, Yoga students, fellow teachers, or those I’ve yet to know personally but the effect of your influence has stuck, I feel enlightened, uplifted, full, warm, and almost explosive with what I feel is a collective potential. I just want to hug everyone, it’s almost nauseating my level of happiness. Then, at times, in my off hours, alone, under the gray wintery skies, out of communication, when it’s just me, the voice in my head is louder than the beat of my heart. I have to remind myself to breathe deeply, to feel and hear the sound of life moving in and out and to quell the cynical, lonely voice seemingly screaming I am not enough. I’d say 90% of the time, I feel content, joyful, appreciative and full of love. It’s that pesky 10% that closes the door of my heart, brings out the inner and outer judgement, and makes me feel stuck. I scramble to interact with others, via text, via social media, via coffee shops, public transportation, via life. Perhaps I have difficulty being alone and allowing the love I feel the majority of the time to be reflected inwardly as well as out. The irony is how independent and self-sufficient I encourage myself and others to be. The truth is I need you. I need others. And just admitting that feels sad, but I’m learning to surrender and accept that and to do my best to give to you what you’ve given to me. And that symbiotic exchange and knowing will pull us out of the self-doubt, the loneliness, the confusion, the darkness, and bring us gently back into the light, the warmth, the support and the love.

Below is just a reflection of those moments where I felt my heart closing up again, the skepticism creeping back into my thoughts and the voice in my head sliding toward the negative. So often I experience such profoundly positive highs from the interaction with others that when I return to normalcy, I sometimes feel low. My objective during these moments is to bring awareness, feel it fully and handle it honestly. All I want for others is to feel the love I’ve felt and to feel that most of the time, and when they don’t, to remind themselves they will again. I’m so grateful, even when sad, and I hope the truth of who I’m unraveling to be is someone who has affected you in a positive way, whether it be subtle or more profound, through my writing, teaching, friendship or casual encounter. I wish you Love. Buoyant Heart

Sardonic, demonic Charred and scarred Black, bleak Enigmatic, mystique Enlivened by promise Distempered by lies Heavy and wounded Achey and guarded Prayers for amnesia Begging for mercy Laborious, treacherous Searching for light, hope Desperate to float Reparation required Overwhelmed by the task Progress out of necessity Please find the opening Relax, receive Uplift yourself Surrender the pride Love is worth the risk Go for the ride Do not drown You cannot sink Stay above No guard, no glove Exhale, release Have the courage to start Carry within, a buoyant heart

Two Films, One Truth: I AM & Life In A Day

Our bodies and brains do not recognize the emotion or cause for our tears, only the catharsis it brings. I love a good cry. And I especially love when this cleansing process is brought about after some epiphany or moment of clarity. This happens more and more to me due to the truly remarkable people I’m fortunate enough to communicate with on any given day, and because I’ve opened my heart more, I’m more readily in a receptive place to be moved and changed. Since leaving college and the structure of academia, I’ve pursued education on a much purer level, based on my needs and interests, not by some set of standards, requirements or recommendations of others. I suppose I’m a geek for philosophy and the more artful sciences, and therefore I seek out material that may ask more questions than it answers. The wrinkle now permanently residing on my furrowed brow shows my incessant inquisition and what I’ve noticed as I’ve slowly evolved is the quality of the question has changed and my need for a concrete answer has diminished. As a beautiful artist and friend put it “...come enter the world of gray.” I love and often prefer the very personal experience reading a book provides. No one is there formulating their opinions that inevitably make their mark on yours. It’s you. A chair. And a book. Sure you can discuss and analyze the details with others, in a book club or one on one, in two chairs; but I still prefer to read, recommend, and release it. People so often feel the need for their opinions to reflect others, especially those they love or respect, whether they know them well or not, and as I get older, and a tiny bit wiser, I realize more and more how each human being perceives each moment, each comment, each piece of art, is unique and special to them. And each of those opinions, perceptions, ways of processing information, are valid and meaningful whether no one or everyone agrees. In high school and even now I tend toward disliking what everyone likes, probably my ego desiring to be elitist or different, but if I’m being kind, I think it’s because of my very naturally inquisitive nature. And so it is always with care and even a bit of trepidation that I write and recommend passionately. And today I’m filled with such vigor for life, such hope for humanity, and such unadulterated Love that I must encourage you to experience two films; I AM and Life in a Day.

I’ve been seeing movies alone for years. Call it sad, pathetic, weird, cool, whatever you want, I love the experience of absorbing a film alone. It has the same quality of reading a book for me, material that I take in without the influence of others. I make up my own mind and heart. This is not to diminish watching movies or TV with others, as that is what I do most of the time, at home or in the theatre, but when I have the time and I think it’ll be something to benefit from alone, that’s precisely what I do. I highly recommend it.

On a chilly spring morning in Chicago, I went to an 11 am (before noon tickets are $6, I’m a broke broad) showing of the soul-stirring documentary, I AM. I’d read numerous articles on this film leading up to its release, and watched an interesting interview with the filmmaker on Oprah (yep, I used to watch Oprah, judge all you want). I AM is a mantra I sometimes repeat while seated and breathing, the simple act of being and not needing to finish that sentence with a descriptor. I am Danielle. I am a woman. I am Italian. I am blah blah. None of that is important. What Yoga and various introspective teachings have led to is the truth behind Being over doing or thinking. I am. That is all. This film seeks to not only point to this truth but also to put the power in your hands, recognize how you’re contributing to your world and how you can be fundamental in improving it. This movie succeeded in doing what is probably the main objective of any artist, the provocation of thought. What a mind and heart fuck.

I AM is directed and narrated by Tom Shadyac, the successful director of such comedies as Ace Ventura 1 and 2, along with most of Jim Carrey’s best 90‘s flicks, Bruce and Evan Almighty, Patch Adams, and the Nutty Professor. He has given some good to the world; to me, comedy is a gift, artful generosity, and aiding in laughter of the masses is most certainly a positive contribution. During his rise to success, Tom found himself acquiring more, more things, bigger homes, more cars, more materials, until he became slowly defined by style and somehow lost substance. He recognized no matter how much he had, there was still a void, an unanswerable question, an unfixable problem. A near death accident was the pivotal catalyst for his enlightenment, the journey to find his own truth and ultimately the answer to those big questions. The film begins asking what is wrong with the world, the answer easily pointing to “I AM.” We travel with him around the world, speak with experts on human nature and conditioning, see his awakening and others’ happening with our own until ultimately we ask what is right with the world, with the goal answer being “I AM.” See it. Let it open your mind and heart a little wider, and find the simplicity and power of the mantra I AM. What is Love? I AM. What is life? I AM.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhKmlIXE2Xs

The other night I had a nearly opposite experience to seeing I AM, but only in superficial detail. Instead of being alone in a theatre, I was at home in front of my television, with the two greatest roommates any person could ever have, my brother and my man love. Three weirdos, one couch. We excitedly added this film to our Netflix instant queue after unsuccessfully seeing it in the theatre last summer. All we knew was Ridley Scott was involved and in order to make the film they solicited people from around the world to submit a video of their lives on July 24th, 2010. Hence the title, Life in a Day.

This movie is so rich, so dense, so full of beauty that I cannot possibly describe it adequately. Words are never enough, and without spoiling the experience by providing a boring synopsis or too much information, I’ll simply describe my perspective and my joy. This film has a pulse. It’s told from the perspective of the human race, from every continent, covering a spectrum of ages, races, jobs, families, lifestyles and points of view through out one day. It showcases in many creative ways the duality in which most of us live, through love and fear. What we love and what we fear ultimately predicate our thought and action/inaction. How we answer these questions affects our programming, our operating system and processor, and witnessing that in ourselves and others delves us deeper into fundamental truths and connection. Answering those questions through our genetic make-up and the circumstances surrounding our environment tells us everything about who and why we are, and if we could just work backward, asking what causes positive and negative outcomes, I’m fairly certain the answer lies in either fear or love, whats wrong or right, I AM. We are. I finished this film and immediately wanted to watch it again. I was spell-bound, inspired, shaken, and energized. It carved out a space for me to see what an incredible species human beings are and how there seems to be more good in the world than bad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bT_UmBHMYzg

The world is an endlessly fascinating place. I want to observe and be changed by all of it. I hope to gradually and essentially be what is right with my world, the ripple effect being simple but profound. What is different is beautiful. I am no better than you, and you no better than me. What fires me up is the perpetuation of ignorance, the stubborn and hateful ways some speak of others, the arrogance and condescension inherent in the attitudes and behaviors toward fellow human beings, the cycle of misinformation gathering tremendous steam and clout without any validity or kindness. Questioning, laughing, conversing and eating get me through. These films are food for the mind, heart and soul. See them alone. Watch them with others. Share the experience. I truly hope you benefit in some way, at the very least enjoy what you may already know.

Laugh. Think. Inquire. Live!

My Philosophical Conundrum

Religion is an acrimonious subject. I’m reticent to ever discuss it as it extracts, at times, the worst in people. I find the very reaction, the defensiveness, the collective egos, the criticism, to be the literal antithesis to that belief system’s intention. What began as a collective measure, quickly turned into a manipulative practice in the control of mass quantities of people. Like puppets, hoards of us think, speak and move, according to what others say. What is the difference between an omnipotent being passing down life lessons and your parents doing the same? Your parents are real. As a woman, in 2011, I’d be better off living under a burka in Afghanistan, than adhering to the bible literally. The ways both testaments seek to subvert women is both creative and disturbing. Believing in an all-knowing, supposedly all-loving being and living within their guidelines, whether it be the Bible, Torah, Koran or other document over 800 times as old as I am, is a tough pill to swallow. So I elect to take no pill. Instead, I choose to ask questions and be open to many possible answers, or no answer at all. Hopefully, knowledge is more contagious than fear. That is still a question that remains unanswered, but again, I’m optimistic. I’m not afraid of other religions or religious people. All I ask is they’re open to me, an atheist with a heart, a Yogi with an elemental soul, evolution animating the dreamer.

I find the literal interpretation of any ancient document to be futile. It can only lead to hypocrisy; in you and in others. The number of times these “good books” have been translated from dead languages into ever-evolving live ones provides an inkling to the problem right there. Like a game of telephone, what comes out at the end scarcely resembles the initial thought. So who knows what the actual, truthful first words were and exactly what they were intended to mean. No one. Not your priest, not your rabbi, not even the Dalai Lama. Some have an in-depth study in their theology, in literary interpretation, and are adept at philosophical debate; yet, not one single human being alive today knows anything for sure. That very fact alone, the not knowing, is precisely what leads to devout faith and unapologetic, even forceful, belief. I’m more inspired and encouraged by what I don’t know than what I do. Inquisitive minds never say never and never say always. They’re accustomed to gray areas and swim in the unknown, without a life-vest. This is where I choose to reside, in the murky, mysterious deep, answers progressively unfolding, evolving as I do.

As a recovering pragmatic forward-thinker, I can understand and even appreciate why faith is important, the good it can do, and the focus it can inspire. I simply offer alternatives to the antiquated, unforgiving, rigid structure that organized religion provides. We need to allow ourselves to be wowed by seeking out our own information, instead of mindlessly absorbing what is thrust at us. Sure, there is free will involved in waking up, going to your religious headquarters and reading your form of scripture; however, how many times do we ask, “why am I here? how did I get here? do I still want or need to be here, really? Does this material truly sit well with my soul, sink into my bones and operate smoothly via my mind and body or am I simply conditioned? Am I living within the parameters that have been set happily, without judgement of others, without a need to be better than another, more righteous than another, more welcomed into “heaven” than another?”

The closest concept to a religion that I practice is Yoga. In the west it’s regarded as a method of increasing flexibility, but mostly, yoga carries a heavy stereotype that cripples its potential growth. I’m a teacher from my own, unique perspective, allowing a practice much older than most world religions to provide answers in surprising ways. I still eat meat, compete, curse, and god forbid, make mistakes, because I am a human being, and that is all Yoga has ever asked me to be. The stillness and calm taking residence permanently deep within makes many more appearances in my daily life because of yoga. It has brought love and connections to me and is the most inclusive way of life I’ve come across. I’ve met men and women of all ages, nationalities, sexual orientations and religions and through those differences, we found our common ground, and it happened to be yoga. I’m not saying it has to be Yoga, but it has to be something.

The issue I take with the state of our world is the sheer repellant we apply to people we deem different, often stemming from ignorance and skewed ideology. I’m striving to not make decisions based on my habituated way of thinking but perhaps via a conduit I’ve yet to explore, potentially the very answer lies within the source of the question itself. This goes for small arguments, day to day decisions, career moves, political alliances and all occasions surrounding catharsis. My quarter century on this planet and exposure I’ve been fortunate enough to experience has only given credence to this. Different is good. Weird is awesome. Life is unpredictable. Allow yourself to be awestruck and changed by someone or something else.

Ideology continues to morph and change as people do, but there is one constant. LOVE. If you find that the intention behind whichever your chosen belief system is to infuse, imbue and instill Love, then carry on my friend. Keep yourself honest, continue the quest, allow yourself to doubt. And while bathing in the deep, enigmatic waters, drowning in doubt, think, feel, exude LOVE.

This passage was created and published with Love, please only take it as such.